Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Do they have to grow up?

Daniel is very huggable. He will come up to me and just hug me at a moments notice. Today he came and sat on my lap. He was facing me, letting me hold him while he hugged me back. It occurred to me during that time that he will soon be getting too big for me to be able to do that with him anymore. I commented about it to him. I said, "Oh Buddy, in less than two years you will probably be too big for us to do this anymore. You will be bigger than me soon!" He picked his head up, looked me in the eyes, and said, "You can sit on MY lap then!!" I just smiled and hugged him tighter!! I know when he is twelve he will not want me to sit on his lap (nor would I want to), but isn't his love for his mommy at ten just so sweet?
Enjoy them while you have them, they sure do grow up FAST!!!

1 comment:

New Dad said...

My mother thought it was sad that babies needed to grow up too. In fact, she tried to never let us leave the nest and still (to this day) babies my 35 year old brother. Hey - unconditional love for a human being is a miracle. But when it's put on too thick, "mother" becomes "smother" and children get loved so much they don't develop their OWN sense of self, self-worth, and self-love and the resulting resilience needed to face this ever-challenging world. I am not a professional, but I can tell you first hand what happens when kids are smothered! If you don't believe me, 'over love' your plants with too much water - the plants will drown in all that extra 'love'. Any mother, by virtue of that industrial-strength love she has (or SHOULD have) for her kids is capable of crossing the line into smotherhood. So when mommies ask this classic "why must they grow up?" question it makes my skin crawl. The very nature of the question hints towards a fundamental inability to deal with the certainty that we all are born, grow, live and die. This "keep them young" tendency, IMHO, is a huge source of abnormal psychology. All that being said, your kids seem mothered and not smothered - but words of caution from a "smother victim": Don't kill them with kindness. Those bumps and bruises along the way teach them self-worth, self-reliance and resilience. My guess is that it's really a control thing: babies and toddlers and mommies have a rather unique relationship that slowly changes as children grow up and gain independence. Maybe there is something wrong with mommies that are TOO HOOKED on that total dependence that children have when they are babies. Or maybe it's as natural as snow in December. I think it's sad that something as pure as love can go "sour", but just like mother's milk I guess it can. Perspective wise, I'll take my smother over an unloving, abusive or absent parent - but it's true that there is too much of a good thing. Anyways, just found your fundamental question to be very thought provoking.

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