Wednesday, August 20, 2008

It is so easy to live for myself

Here is openness and honesty at its best. I started this summer on a spiritual high!! I was going to services everyday and God was doing a lot in my life. He was teaching me many things on a consistent basis. I felt pretty good about myself, my life, and my relationship with the Lord. Joel got sick a month into summer and I had to stop going to services. I was still okay though, because I was living off of what God had done in my life the month before. For weeks I lived off my past experiences. I was not reading my Bible or praying much at all. God was not doing anything new in my life, but it didn't seem to bother me much. My heart is very wicked and I was enjoying living for myself. I stayed up LATE every night and slept in every morning. I got through my days pretty good on my own. I didn't need to read my Bible and pray.....I was fine!!! I look back now and I am so ashamed that God was not my first priority. Things have changed this week. God brought me to the end of myself and I couldn't make it any longer without His help. What big thing happened in my life to bring me to my knees? The answer is.....the start of this Home school year!!! After one day, I wanted to quit. Since quiting is not an option for me, I wanted to through the BIGGEST fit so that my husband would let me quit. I knew that my rotten attitude was not pleasing the Lord or my husband, but I really didn't care. I wanted what I wanted END OF STORY!!! I was "asking" God to change my heart (because it was the right thing to do), but I really wasn't ready for it to be changed. I still wanted my own way!! I knew in my heart what I needed to do to be ready for change. This morning I got up early to spend some time with my Heavenly Father. It was not a huge amount of time, but it was just what I needed. I was able to greet the children this morning happily in His strength, not grudgingly in my own strength. Today has been a blessed day. I have NO DOUBT in my mind that I will struggle with Home schooling again this year, but for now I am not!! Thank you Jesus!!


ET @ Titus2:3-5 said...

Praying for you! Thank-you for sharing your heart. This was beautiful.

nettergirl said...

I love how faithful God is to us. Thank you for you sharing.

Kelsey said...

I am praying for you!

Nancy Blowers said...

Hi Judi:

By mistake, I responded to your blog of July 18th when I meant to respond to this one. If you go to the July 18th responses you will see my comments regarding this blog. Sorry about that.

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